xX._ happi lyfee _.Xx

2006-08-06T18:47:00.000+08:00

I know who you are
And I'm pretty sure I know myself
This person you're becoming
Is somebody else
All I've been doing is crying and crying
and it only makes me feel like dying
I never wanted it to be like this
Too bad I dont have someone to miss
My everlasting love for you
I wish you could see
That would make it easier for me
My tears are made of sorrow and pain
And there's nothing for me to gain
I'm talking with you now
and its breaking my heart
Becasue I know that
our different worlds are
tearing us apart .

2006-07-20T15:32:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time
There was a story of a little girl
Innocence was her only crime
One of the few she did not commit

As days grew long
and frustrations grew
She found ways to release pain
All so unreal, but so true

She played with razors
and danced with burning fire
She told of her pain and misery
to have the world call her a liar

She carves her arm and slices on the vein
to say what her heart couldn't
the only way to express the pain
So sick and so twisted

Using the drugs to give her feel
Letting guys use her
Only to make her feel real
Only creating more anger

Once upon a time
falling asleep, only possible by tears
Scared of nightmares and dreams
Escalating and feeding her biggest fears

When mommi and daddi hit her
Bruise after bruise, night after night
She never told anyone
Stood her ground, never fight

All the nights she said
"I Want To Die"
Maybe she meant it
It wasn't all a lie

That's why I tell you this story
of a girl who lived a lie
Welcome to fairy tale land
Once upon a suicide

*****

so my type of poem. HAHA =)
it kinda reflects to me, except some part. HAHA
people who is close to me shall know.

13 more days to OUR 6th month.
24 more days to PMR Trials.
73 more days to PMR.

2006-07-10T16:19:00.000+08:00

Let's just say , it's all a mistake . I don't want to talk bout it , not that I don't , I'm not supposed to , and I can't bring myself to . I'm sorry , I can't be as perfect as all you people want me to be , I'm not tough , I'm not strong , I can't be anything you want me to be .

I feel like letting it all go , I just can't . Isn't the reason obvious ? It's just right in front of your eyes . I really wished things would go back to normal , everything's not right now . Urgh =(

I miss baby !

2006-07-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

Okay wait, let's get this straight. If you hate me or the posts I wrote, you can just stop reading and leave, nobody asked you to come, thank you for coming in, I know I used to be very vulgar and I'm sorry for being vulgar. I'm trying to change, well at least I won't be that vulgar for no reason. If you give me a reason to, I don't mind =)

Remember, this is my blog if you don't realise, I write what I want, not anything to please anybody. So haters, please leave. Thanks you..

I'm sorry for being too vulgar for my previous posts. I am controlling all these foul language.

Ok. That's all.

2006-07-08T11:30:00.000+08:00

let's see, i'm hating suki. yes, low sook yee because of the One In A Million show, she's like so rude if you didn't realised. She have a fake personality in front of the television, she's acting all bubbly and cute and she even copied farah's fashion style. Yes, I despise her now.

And NO, I'M NOT JEALOUS. well part of me is, so? it's like only 40% the 60% goes to her fake attitude and rudeness. Read Cindy's blog in Friendster if you want, those who wants the url can tag me.

Urgh, damn it, I just can't hold this feelings back, why is Malaysian so blinded by her fake personality ? She does have the voice but, oh whatever, this is my point of view.

And THIS IS MY BLOG, if you're one of the SuperSuki fans, sad for you, I'm just voicing out what I feel.

EDITTED ; I'm sorry if it was too vulgar. blargh. I was impulsive

2006-07-07T15:49:00.000+08:00

i'm back. yay. nowadays, i usually post in my xanga. heh but its okay. i'll still post here if i have time =)

usually i dont do this. but today, arghh. i need to get it out of my heart. i can't stand keeping this to myself, well at least a few of my friends know.. grrr

there's this girl, and yes, i hate her. sad for her cause when i hate somebody there must be something i really don't life.

facts bout why i dislike her.

she's such a faker on reality.

she's somebody i would really hate because of the history.

she has a really bad attitude for her age, no respect for the older. i despise you !

she got this ' Please Hate Me' look everytime i see her.

as most people know, i really hate those japanese dolls ? you know those act cuters. uh huh. she's soon to be one of the japanese wannabes. and don't copy *****'s style. it's a copycat work.

she's sucked **** ****'s **** LMAO. this is funny, its fake but well. HAHAH i'm just sharing my thoughts bout what she might do to get what she have now.

she's robotic, ~~bad movement~~. hate her dance steps. too woody. too stiff. i can dance better ;) no kidding

she looks innocent when i first saw her, well, kinda innocent. now, she's all wild wearing all those clothing to seduce them.

she acts like she's the best, let me give you a piece of advice. " self confidence is good, but over confident will cause you your downfall "

10`

you try too hard to be somebody you're not & somebody you're never going to be.

***

sorry to say this, but, girl, you suck.

try acting like yourself and not what others want you to be.

i know what you people might think, i hate her cause i'm jealous.

hey ! at least i admit, yes i'm jealous. so ? she's pretty, i can be prettier too.

uh huh, i'm evil, i'm selfish, i'm self-centered, i'm mean.

whatever. i don't care.

i don't simply judge people you see.

but once i judge you, it meant you're either one of the best or one of the worst.

buhh.. i may not be the best girl on earth

at least i am honest to myself

i'm fat, so ? i can diet to get myself thinner.

i'm short, so? i can jump more to make myself taller.

i'm stupid. nobody is stupid actually, they're just lazy. just like me. HAHA

i'm working on the lazy part, i'm trying to study as much as possible, so yeah.

****

okay. that felt good after blabbering everything out. argh ! nice feeling. heh =) so yeah. that's for all, i'm having a real terrible sorethroat here. i can feel my throat burning and what made it worse is, i'm coughing too. *sighs* i might get some lungs problem. grrrr ! i've been coughing since weeks ago, it still won't go, i am positively sure something is wrong with me but i just can't bring myself to a doctor. HAHAHA. medicine sucks, so, yeah, sorry. i'm not a doctor material or a fan of medicine, uhh wait, nobody is. so yeah, too bad.

okay wait, its late. =( i need to go study shoosshh. anyway, I WANT TO PONTENG TUITION I WANT TO WATCH THE SECOND CHANCE SHOW ! the One In A Million Second Chance Show for the bottom 10 to perform and let the judge choose one to be in the top12 and the sms votes to choose another one to get in the top12

i am devoted to CINDY. yes, baby. she's MY one in a million for she have her own style, fashion and good vocals.

PEOPLE OUTSIDE ! if you're reading this, take out your phone and type " IN CINDY " and send to 32728

VOTE FOR HER =)

2006-06-06T16:41:00.000+08:00

Yue Ding by Guang Liang

shuo hao de san nian bu jian mian
yong wo men de ai ba shi jian liu zu
ni xiao zhe shuo zhe shi wo men de kao yan
wo men de yue ding

jiu zhe yang san nian you guo le
wo hai shi hui dao zhe ge di fang
bi shang yan deng ni de chu xian
kong qi zhong wen ni de lian

wo hai ji de wo men de yue ding
yi bei zi xing fu de yue ding
wei ni xie de na shou ge
ta ye tou tou de diao lei le

wo hai ji de wo men de yue ding
wo bi yi qian hai geng ai ni le
lian na feng dou xiao wo le
wo xiang ta hui gao su ni de

wo geng ai ni le

jiu zhe yang san nian you guo le
wo hai shi hui dao zhe ge di fang
bi shang yan deng ni de chu xian
kong qi zhong wen ni de lian

wo hai ji de wo men de yue ding
yi bei zi xing fu de yue ding
wei ni xie de na shou ge
ta ye tou tou de diao lei le

wo hai ji de wo men de yue ding
wo bi yi qian hai geng ai ni le
lian na fong dou xiao wo le
wo xiang ta hui gao su ni de

ni hui ji de wo men de yue ding
yi bei zi xing fu de yue ding
wei ni xie de na shou ge
ta ye tou tou de diao lei le

yin wei ji de wo men de yue ding
wo bi yi qian hai hen ai ni le
ting ze feng wo ye xiao le
ta yi ding hui gao su ni de

wo gen ai ni le

2006-06-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

Promise by Michael Wong

we agreed not to meet for three years
using our love to preserve time
you smiled and said this is our test
our promise

just like this, three years have passed
i still return to this place
i close my eyes, waiting for you to appear
kissing you through the air

i still remember our promise
a promise of everlasting happiness
yhat song written for you
it's also secretly crying

i still remember our promise
i love you more than before
even the wind is laughing at me
i think it will tell you ...

i love you more than ever ...

just like this, three years have passed
i still return to this place
i close my eyes, waiting for you to appear
kissing you through the air

i still remember our promise
a promise of everlasting happiness
that song written for you
it's also secretly crying

i still remember our promise
i love you more than before
even the wind is laughing at me
I think it will tell you ...

will you remember our promise?
a promise of everlasting happiness
that song written for you
it's also secretly crying

because I remember our promise
i love you more than before
listening to the wind, i smiled too
it will definitely tell you ...

i love you more than ever.

2006-06-02T16:45:00.000+08:00

i'm not patient. i never have patience i guess. i love TTN and i mean it. i really do. i can't stand the thought of not having him. i miss him like crazy. sighs. my life is really a huge mistake. everything is ! except for him. i wont consider him a mistake.. i love him . wheeeeeee

don't feel like writing anymore.

2006-05-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

i want to be with you, every night ..
be the one who's in your arms to hold me tight

i'll call you at 3am, tears streaming down

my cheeks, you'll answer the phone and
immediately ask, "baby, what's wrong?"

ahh. it's so sweet, the quote. gosh. i miss baby hehe. anyway. today in sch, ponteng'ed whole morning. after recess was supervision then geography, got my marks. i passsed. LOL. and after that was seni. played with the knitting crap =.=' thats all.

2006-05-22T21:03:00.000+08:00

Our road is long, your hold is strong
Please, don't ever let go.

she couldn't deny the fact

that when his eyes burned into her,

she trembled.

take my heart if you like the beat,

take my lungs if it's hard to breathe.

2006-05-17T19:35:00.000+08:00

nothing much happened late, exams this whole week and monday. yes, history, last subject. hmmm, don't really feel like posting in here lately. i am not really in a good mood either. sighs*

2006-04-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

omg. i'm like super hell addicted to the show " Stairway To Heaven ". swt. you should watch the show to those who never watched before. It's like the saddest show I've ever watch. Why ?

I cried every single episode of the show. =.=" three episodes, i cried for for 2 hours and more. lol. lucky tomorrow it's not a school day or i'm gonna go school with a pair of puffy eyes. haha. anyway i found this really nice song lyrics in some site. but i dont know the title of it. sobs*

Even just for once, look at me.

Let me into your heart even just a little bit.

There's only one thing that I want...

Because you will always be my heaven.

Like a different person, you're so far away from me.

No matter how much I look at you, I can't touch you.

Like a sad dream in the dark...

It's a love that I cannot have.

Though I know it's not right...I

want to have it more than anything.

Watching you from far away...

Though I'm alive, it's like I'm dead.

Though you leave me, though you throw me away...

Be by my side for just one long moment.

So that my love which remains doesn't feel sad...

Put me in your eyes.

Just a little, so very little...

If you believe my heart...

Then even if I have tears in the memories I threw away...

I will love you forever.

awww. how sad can it be ? shessshh. I'm tearing again.

******

Anyway. Leaving to Perlis tomorrow afternoon. Coming back Monday, Labour Day, school holiday. Sad =[

so won't be updating this few days.

updated my friendster's background.

wheeeeeeeeeee

http://www.friendster.com/profiles/adelovettn

much loves <3

ade___*heart* [TTN]

2006-04-22T19:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm. my movie is starting in 22 minutes. damn and here i am blogging again. haha. well yesterday, lots happened. after school, went to mcD to meet up with my friends FROM MY SCHOOL. lol then eat talk and hide. ZiXin and I walked back to school to tell Tiff and Regina that we're going to Japanese Garden to eat so we left to Japanese Garden after that. Meet up with Venne, Delphine, Sarah, Sara, Terresa and Ee-Mei. Ate there then went to the playground and play. Muahahaha. Sea-Saw and all the other playing thingy. I feel like a child again, everytime I go to a playground and start jumping here and there wanting to play everything. All my childhood memories flashed back. Awwww. being a kid was the BEST time of my life. well, now it's the BEST time of my life too 'cause i still have my baby with me. Hehe =)

******

After that around 3 something, we walked back to school and ZiXin have to go home cause the dad is coming at 4, then me, Tiff, Regina, Venne, Sarah, Sara, Ee-Mei, Delphine and Terresa walked to Heng Ee. OMG the first thing we reached there, all the DALAT boys in front of us. So tall and some of them are effing HOT. Well after a while, I saw the PFS team and saw Tze Yang, AND the DALAT boys started playing with err don't know what school, Air Itam I think. And PFS started playing with Sungai Ara. Gosh. I pity PFS. They lose, lol. Actually, it's none of my business. Hehe, still it's my baby's school. Gotta support = lmao. After a while, SXI's team came and I saw both of my son which BOTH of them claimed they didn't see me. And they saw Tiff. WTF ? well, who cares ? I don't really. Then, Tiff walked to Han Chiang to take bus home and I left after a while too, with Sara and Regina. I reached school then walked to Japanese Garden to meet baby. Awww, there he was, so charming, so sweet, so adorable, so tall [=.=] I FINALLY MET HIM AFTER 51 MISERABLE DAYS ! Tho, it was just a few minutes, I appreciate it=] then walked back to school to wait for my parents come fetch Regina and me.

******

Nothing happened today. Hahah, I was at home the whole day. Too bad for me, but anything for my JACK JACK ! muahahah. Oh my God, the movie is starting in another 6 minutes. I better get going. LOL.

PS ; i love & miss my baby.

much loves <3
`ade __ *heart* [TTN]

2006-04-21T00:17:00.000+08:00

it's 12.12 am of 20th April 2006
here i am sitting in front of this stinking comp writing this. =(

everybody must be sleeping now.

sheeshh.

i just can't sleep and my dad wants me to offline soon.

been using comp so much lately.

urgh and my results.

SUCKED !

trust me.

i've never such a low marks for mathematics

and i'm a tutee now.

NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE HAVE I EVER BEEN A TUTEE K !!

worst of all,

my tutor is GERALDINE CHOW !that childish girl.i can't believe it =(

******

oh forget about it

zixin didn't come to school err yesterday [thursday]

she was sick. VERY sick.

she never missed school. =(

i miss her so much.

and hmmmm, i didn't touch my homework at all.

copying tomorrow in school again.

hahaha. the normal adelene =D

lmao.

things' been changing so much lately.

well. at least i think so.

I am TRYING to study for PMR. and getting my MATHS work done.

ergh. trying is hard. trust me.

never be lazy like me.

i got like 2 assignments to pass up like next week.

and i didn't start at all. YET =S

wow. the PLAIN OLD SAME adelene AGAIN.

hmmmm. i'm sleepy shit now.

heh. leaving.

i love my baby, TTN.

forever ttn's.

2006-04-10T15:04:00.000+08:00

i fear

[x] the dark

[ ] being single

[ ] being commited (not married tho)

[ ] getting married

[x] being a parent

[x] giving birth

[ ] being myself in front of others

[ ] open spaces

[x] closed spaces

[ ] heights

[x] cats

[x] dogs

[x] birds

[x] spiders and/or other insects

[ ] driving or being in cars

[ ] flying

[x] being put to sleep (anesthesia)

[ ] flowers or other plants

[ ] being touched

[ ] fire

[ ] water

[ ] the ocean

[ ] pools

[x] failure

[ ] success

[x] germs

[x] thunder/lightning

[x] frogs/toads

[x] mice/rats

[x] jumping from high places

[ ] snow

[ ] rain

[ ] wind

[x] cemeteries

[x] clowns

[ ] large crowds

[x] demons or evil

[ ] crossing bridges

[x]death

[ ] Hell

[ ] Heaven

[x] being robbed

[x] being sexually assaulted

[ ] men

[ ] women

[ ] having great responsibility

[x] doctors, including DENTISTS!

[x] tornadoes

[x] hurricanes

[x] being punished

[x] diseases, including cancer and STD's

[x] snakes

[x] sharks

[x] dinosaurs

[ ] Friday the 13th

[x] poverty

[x] ghosts

[ ] Halloween

[ ] school

[ ] trains or railroads

[x] being alone

[x] losing my friends/family

[x] being blind

[x] being deaf

[x] growing up

[x] being murdered in my sleep

i fear 37 out of 66 things.

wow.

lol.

i'm such a coward. haha

dumb me.

i love my baby so much.

aih `

wonder what am i going to be without him.

i miss him so bad tho` we're just message away.

haha. yes. he is online=]

***

today. in sch. urgh !

the two indian b?tches complained to teacher that i scolded them using vulgar.

well. yes i did, but not in foul or vulgar language.

who asked them to b?tched bout me in the first place.

i hate people like that. damn !

but i love pn pragesh

she was just scolding me in front of them to make them feel good.

incase you don't two. the two indian b?tches are desperate.

we have this geography ' kerja kursus' going on and we have to walk road to road.

and teacher asked us to choose where we wanted to walk.

my group wanted jln terengganu but we got jln hamilton insteal. darn !

yeah and the two b?tches got jln free. why ?

lmao. they're desperate to see pfs boys.

aiyaa. they're already bald, what is there to see somemore ?

lmao but i still love my baby. hmmm. i wanna see him !

muaks.

hahh and shoot !

pn lilian called me the shortest girl in class =[

and then i joked asking her to apologise and i shall forgive her. lmao

its nice how teacher can play around with us. i love pn lilian tho she's naggy at times.

she's still the nicest teacher. same goes to pn kang ! i love them both.

why ? they don't bother to scold me even if i didn't bring or do their work. lol

i knw.i am evil. can't help it. anyway.

awww. pn kang's tummy is getting bigger. the baby must be adorable hmmm.

i love babies. i just am afraid to give birth.

freakyy.. haha

***

went to regina's brother's sch to eat just now. well. hmm i love eating.

but i need to lose weight. REAL BAD!

i'm seriously getting fatter day by day.

over eating. no no i don't eat chocolates ! i just eat oily stuff. lmao

i'm not perfect. nobody is. so tooo bad.

aihh. i need to get my seni done by wed.

yay ~ tomorrow is a public holiday. no school.

i love it ~ but i'm gonna miss zixin. aih.

lol.

that's all for now i think. my finger is bleeding again. shoot !

2006-03-16T14:06:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. my new blogskin =D Adelyn made it for me. Yes we share the same pronounciation in name. but mine is spelt as adeLENE lol. and yesss.. i love ttn =D my baby. my darling, my honey, my love, my teddy bear, my world, my life, my everything =D goshh.. i'm over talking bout him here. haha

hmmm. ok. well

i miss him, ttn =)

A LOT !!

and err. haha

Yesterday I went to eat Sush King

with my cousins.

Awww. I love the unagi and salmon >.<"

but I'm kinda er, allergy to it.

So I didn't take much of it.

HAHA.

After Sushi King, went back home.

Online and SMS'ed.

oh. well that's my usual routine for the holidays.

My comp is still not back.

Urghh ! Damn !

I won't get to pass up my Graphics in time anymore.

I hope Yuh Ting don't kill me for that.

And oh yeah, i have a xanga for myself.

http://www.xanga.com/deathly_soul

I know it sound err. creppy.

but it's just a nick. lol. haha.

Oh GOD, I can't take him off my mind !!

Helppp meeee !!

Actually I'm kind of confused.

but oh well, I'm not planning to write it here.

It's a so called QUITE personal =S

so I don't want end up people read it here

and go around spreading stupid rumours about it.

FUCK THOSE who did. =]

sorry for using vulgar.

I'm trying to cut down on it.

I NEED MY FREAKING COMPUTER BACK !

My brushes and fonts are all in there.

I can't do anything without using them.

Damn it !! Arghh !!

I hope tomorrow is not gonna be a disaster ='(

Stupid History Folio !

Damn I hate doing folios.

I <3>

LMAO.

HAHA.

oh wheeeeeeeeeee ! They [my friends which are guides/rangers]

are probably enjoying themselves in the Sri Inai's/Sri Pinang's

Gathering !

Goshh ! oh, Nigel didn't go tuition lastnight.

I KINDA miss him. HAHA.

Without his appearance in the tuition, it's kinda weird.

Very peaceful. Very quiet

and worst. nobody to crap with.

and we finished all our papers. haha in the tuition without him.

Teacher said, Nigel did better in the private tuition =S lol.

so we're better off without him?

he's better off without us ?

aww. I'm going to miss him if he's not coming to tuition anymore.

and hell. I FREAKING LOST MY CALCULATOR !

My mum is going to kill me if she finds out.

It's like the second or third calculator I lost.

Damn ! I must really recall where I last saw it.

SEE !! HE'S COMING INTO MY MIND AGAIN !!

awwwww. shoot ! ><"

Anyway I gotta go. byeeee ><

Untitled

2006-03-03T17:03:00.000+08:00

I've never felt this way before,
Before I've even met you,
I didn't know the meaning of the word 'love',
But ever since I met you,
My world become bleak; there's only you,
My every thoughts lead to you,
But I know
That you'll never look at me
the way I do,
I'm just a friend to you,
I'm always trying to impress you,
Hoping that one day you'll like me too,
But that's darn impossiple,
We're from different worlds,
I lead the life od the underdog; hiding in the shadows,
While you lead the life of a topdog
You got so many people falling for you,
I've been trying to fight myself,
To make the feelings go away,
But it only made me realize that,
No matter how hard I try,
These feeligs for you won't go away,
'cause you are the only one person
That has ever made me so weak inside,
The only person that I wanna protect
and hold in my arms forever...

random `

2006-02-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

so loooonggg since i updated. lmao
yeahhhh

What's your name?
` Adelene
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?
` noo.
Age you wish you were?
` kindergarten babies ? young&naive. sweet innocence.
Hair color, are you happy with it?
` not really. it's too dark. i hate pure black.
What is your biggest fear?
` losing him.
If there was a TV show made about you, what would it be called?
` err. lmao. i dont know *winks*
Can you sing?
` everyone can sing. the question is am i good at it? id say NO.
Are you a daredevil?
` not really.
Are you passive or agressive?
` depends.
What is your greatest weakness?
` i cry easily. hot tempered. too fat * i am OBESE * omg.
What is your greatest strength?
` err dont know. lmao

Do you...

Hold grudges?
` not usually
Have regrets?
` its the past. i'm happy now
Live in the moment?
` somedays
Have bad habits?
` um. i bite my lip. and my nails.
Like your handwriting?
` nope. too small. can't help it. =p
Have secrets?
` yes.
Smoke?
` honestly, only a few times. = out of anger !
Do drugs?
` probably no.
Read the newpaper?
` only interesting articles. advise corner and sudoku !
Pray?
` yes, but not more than twice a year ?
Go to church?
` no
Take walks in the rain?
` it's romantic but i hate it. i hate being wet. damn !
Talk to people you hate?
` yes. CERTAIN people

Would or Have You Ever...

Liked your voice?
` nope. too childish.
Hurt yourself?
` not entirely on purpose
Been out of the country?
` never really count
Been in love?
` yes fullstop
Gone skinny dipping?
` hm. no.
Had a medical emergency?
` no. im pretty medically stable.
Had surgery?
` twice
Ran away from home?
` never
Played strip poker?
` yes
Been on stage?
` yes
Beaten someone up?
` no.
Slept outdoors?
` yes
Pulled an all nighter?
` yes
Talked on the phone all night?
` yup.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o having sex?
` yes. brothers&cousins.
Slept all day?
` yes
Kissed the same sex?
` yeah ! lmao. on the cheek
Been betrayed?
` oh yes.
Had a dream that came true?
` yes. now. =D its so true =p
Broken the law?
` er. yeah.
Met a famous person?
` yes.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?
` i don't think so.
Been on TV?
` i wiish.
Had a dream that kept coming back?
` yes.

Beliefs

Believe in life on other planets?
` no.
Miracles?
` yes
Astrology?
` not really
Magic?
` mm no
God?
` yes
Ghosts?
` no
Luck?
` luck is what you make of life.
Love at first sight?
` yes
Yin and yang (that good can't exist without bad)?
` yes
Believe it's possible to remain fatihful forever?
` yes. most definately !
Do you wish on stars?
` i have. but i dont do it like everyday.
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?
` isnt it the same ? it's still Heaven and Hell.
Do you think God has a gender?
` maybe.
Do you believe in organized religion?
` no.
Where do you think we go when we die?
` you'll never guess.

Friends

Newest?
` shen yi
Shyest?
` ai wei.
Funniest?
` venne. kaan. chan
Sweetest?
` Ttn. tiffany. nigel. andrew.
Closest?
` tiffany & regina& zixin. gregsson & nigel & terence.
Weirdest?
` none ?
Smartest?
` everyone=D
Ditziest?
` don't know
Friends you miss being close to the most?
` cassandra. an old kindergarten mate. =)
Last person you talk to on the phone?
` regina.
Who do you trust the most?
` Ttn . tiffany. regina. zixin.
Who listens to your problems?
` tiffany. regina. zixin.
Who's the nicest?
` depends
Who's the most outgoing?
` andrew. =D
Who's the best singer?
` zixin. charisma
Who's on your shit-list?
` of my friend? or just people in general? sluts.
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?
` no comment.
Do you always feel understood?
` only by him.
Who's the loudest friend?
` most of us are LOUD.
Do you trust others easily?
` yes. very easily
Who's house were you last at?
` regina's
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in
` Ttn
Do your friends know you?
` um. yes?

Love and All That

Do you consider love a mistake?
` no
What do you find romantic?
` everything a boy can do to make me melt inside ?
Turn-on?
` smile. eyes.
Turn-off?
` assholes.
First kiss?
` *winks*
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them?
` yes
What is best about the opposite sex?
` oh. well. . they can be so oh so sweet when they're not even trying.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?
` they can be real assholes.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you attractive?
` mm. dont know ?
What is the last present someone gave you?
` teddy bear.
Are you in love?
` yes

Who Was The Last Person...

That scared you?
` don't remember
That tickled you?
` that little girl i met in mcD's playground. lmao
You went shopping with?
` my mum
That turned you on?
` Ttn ;)
That broke your heart?
` don't know.
To disappoint you?
` nigel ?
To make you cry?
` my brother =.="
To brighten your day?
` him.
You saw a movie with?
` liang. carrie & jeannie
You talked to on the phone?
` regina`
You saw?
` unknown fella that came to my ask to sell stuff ?
You lost?
` nobody.

Right This Moment...

Are you dating anyone?
` yes
What are you wearing right now?
` shorts and a shirt.
Body part you are touching right now?
` finger with keyboard. har ?
What are you worried about right now?
` him ?
What book are you reading?
i dont readd..
What's on your mouse pad?
` just random.
Use five words to descride how you're feeling:
` miserable. happy. mystifying. annoyed. loved
Are you bored?
` yes
Are you tired?
` no
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?
` no
Are you talking to anyone online?
` no
Are you lonely or content?
` content.
Are you listening to music?
` if you believe - mandy moore.
The time right now is
` 12.09 pm

stuff `

2006-01-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

i tend to get hurt easily.
over some jealousy, maybe.
i'm too fragile. i admit this
i pretended to be tough,
so nobody can see my weakness.
but that doesn't mean anything.
i have my weakness.
everybody have their own weaknesses.

i was shattered once really terribly,
friends managed to mend me back,
i survived
and i LOVE my life now.

God bless all =)

some facts bout my parents. lol

2005-10-24T18:45:00.000+08:00

oh well, i seriously got no strength to write my blog today but I just have to, don't ask me why, I'm so pissed and frustrated now. First of all, MY DAD signed the form for TX for me, and MY MUM don't agree to let me go because she thinks that BOYS ARE EVIL AND HORNY, I mean what the FUCK? This is REALITY la ok? What is wrong with going camp when there's scouts? NOT all BOYS are evil and horny la ok, she thinks that I'm that precious and all those crap, I mean, I don't wanna be perasan la ok, I'm PLAIN UGLY, who wants me? She's making it sound like I'm some kind of a goody goody girl trying to be bad, I mean c'mon la, I've been bad since who knows when, she's exaggerrating way too much bout those camps = =" she have prejudice on me going out with guys la after all, she's just too gender'ist! DISCRIMINATION towards GUYS which are NOT related to her, yes, MY MUM is RACIST too, I'm not saying bad things about her, but these are all FACTS, she's discriminate most malays and some indians, she don't like her daughter to have any guy friends = =" which I know she know i have a lot, so too bad for her. And, MY dad in the other hand is a better guardian than she is, he might be fierce at times, but he's cool, he don't mind me having boys as friends, just don't go overbroad as in like getting into a relationship and GIVE YOURSELF to them, I mean I do get myself involve in that but I don't GIVE MYSELF just like that, I mean, what the hell? must i give sex to get love? that's RUBBISH la ok. And my dad is really wise, I mean altho I don't do really good in exams, he always give me chance, and he never really scold me that TERRIBLE like most of my friends' parents la. He's just giving me encouraging words and stuff, but I don't take that for advantages, i DID try my best in all my exams. Altho I said I don't study, but I do go over my books, memorizing stuff, trying hard to score my best for it. I don't give things up easily, but that's for something la. Sometimes I do give things up for their own good, for my own good too.

OK, let's get back to the whole camp thingy, my DAD allows me to go for it, but he gotta work, he can't always fetch me here and there right? I'm just asking my mum to do the slightest favour ever to just drop me in school earlier tomorrow, and she's saying stuff like, " I didn't agree to let you go, your dad signed the form, ask him fetch you la", "After this camp, surely there's many more activities wan, sign sign sign only, later you'll bring home a stack of form for your dad to sign", and " You just don't wanna stay at home, always finding a way to get out of the house". HELL YEAH! I agree with the last sentence, I mean who wants to be at home when she's always there to nag nag nag and NAG at me? pathetic la. She's always saying the same thing, and sometimes I just have this feeling of leaving home. It's so miserable staying home, I don't mine my father, I mean he work and yes, he can scold me, HE HAVE the rights to,my mum on the other hand is carefree, she dont work, she is STRESSLESS, why the hell must she even scold my maid or me and my brothers? she's psychotic la = =" hate her so much till now, arghhh!

Whatever la, no matter what, I'm going to sch early tomorrow, it's either she wanna fetch or not, I'll still have Regina to fetch me. At least that's I think. HAHA, that's my first laugh in this post, I can't seem to laugh, I kinda miss Mou Jian, haha, for the past few days la, he was always online with me, SMS with me, haha, I mean, DON'T GET ME WRONG la, haha we're just friends, we're both greedy pigs for testimonials *evil grins* OMG i shouldn't have said it, HAHA he'll kill me. wait let me see, he'll deny it and say it's untrue.hmmmm. haha surely wan le lol. Aiyer, lazy to type d. I'll type again later, or tomorrow. Anyway, gotta plan drawing my banner tomorrow or not i'll be like SO DEAD! haha.ciao *hugs* mwahxx!

S a t u r d a y [ Tx o5 first combine meeting]

2005-10-22T20:59:00.000+08:00

Ah well. Lastnight I can't really sleep, I admit I was really angry of somebody lastnight before I went to bed. I don't even bother to reply his message before I off my phone, haha but I miss him a lot =( I don't know why, I promised myself to control my feelings for him. I did and I will continue being evil towards him, because I don't want to be labelled a boyfriend stealer and I don't want anymore relationship problem in my life. It's more than enough in the past =)

So, I woke up at around 9 something this morning, was kinda excited about the meeting. I mean not as in excited la, worried of which patrol will I be in and how EVIL is the Patrol Leader[PL] hahah and how much is my patrol fees gonna be cause I think I'll be paying it myself, altho I'm in a major money crisis now. Hahah, went online after I woke up, no no, on'ed my phone, saw his messages again. Ignore it, got to control myself. So straight down to the computer and online.

Saw Jang Heng online, talked to him for a while and yeah, Davids too. HAHA, then went to shower, washed my hair >.< then ate Fillet-O-Fish as my breakfast, haha McDonalds, yeah. Then waited for my bus to come, damn, today is LATE, super late! Waited from 11.37 to 11.52, 15 minutes. ARGH! hahaha, then reached school, Tiffany and Xu Jen was there already.

After a while, Joanne came and Sze Wei came to us, the our seniors, Su Ting and Angelin came to find us, taught us how to fall in and fall out and stuff while waiting for Renee then 12.50 we walked to McDonalds, OMG McDonalds is like so full. Wasted 30 minutes lining up for food. HAHA, useless huh?:p

Hahaha, then walked to PFS at 1.45, reached there, saw MGS, SGGS, PCGHS, CLS girls. Haha, then we lined up and stuff la, CGL is with OWL Patrol. lol cute, haha. Well, our PL, Guo Sheng, hmmm.. considered ok la, never scold us and yeah. Wasted two hours there talking about Daniel Lee. HAHA, Sze Wei got us into the mood of talking bout him. LoL, funny. Came back at 5 pm, went to shower again then straight to bed.

Woke up then here I am now, writing this stupid blog. Hahaha, lazy to write already le. DOINK DOINK me.haha

A Thursday I'll Never Forget [[i guess]]

2005-10-21T01:02:00.000+08:00

Sighs. Today is my death day. I got my Science Paper, as I expected, I FAILED with 35 only, I did STUDY but whatever I studied wasn't out. For Heaven's sake, I think I'm dropping class for now. FOR SURE ok = =" they said if I fail either, the two most important subject which is Mathematics or Science, that means I consider as failing ALL. ARGH! I can't believe it, this is the first time I actually feel so terrible for what I get =/

I mean, I need at least 5 more marks to pass, in my first test, i need only 2 or 3 marks to pass but she don't even give. You think she'll give me 5 more marks just to pass? How pathetic? I think everybody in my class win me, except for some Malays and yeah, Kaan failed with me, but she get higher than me, I'm feeling so useless and stupid now.ARGH! As for my Geography, I never thought of getting so high =/ I tiang'ed almost all, sighs. I don't care d la. Ish

Jota was actually not that bad as you see. Hahaha, it was quite a lot of fun for beginners, Traplex : Don't Know, I don't even know if I can go or not now, DAMN! All my mum's fault, she menghasut'ed my father saying this and that. I don't know la, I'm wishing for my dad to be in a good mood tomorrow so I can pester him till he let me go, secondly, I can't let my mother be by his side when I asked for it.Mwahahhaha =X

LOL, leaving now.Lazy to type. Sorry! mwahx!

Hours before JOTA

2005-10-14T12:16:00.000+08:00

*Sighs* OMG, in two hours time, I'm gonna be in JOTA, SUFFERING! OMG OMG OMG, GOD BLESS ME! please. waaa T_T I haven't been updating my blogs for the past few days, too lazy I guess, exams just over and yeah, guess what? I got 67 for my Kemahiran Hidup and 79 [ONLY!!] for my ENGLISH. Actually I haven't tell my parents about my English marks, shame on me, argh! I can't believe it.DAMN never have I got so low in English before Form2. ARGH, my life is so over when I get my Science=)) prepared to die ~!! WO HOOO~

LOL, uh huh, I've been awake since 7 a.m. yes you're right, 7 IN THE MORNING! I can't sleep, not because of the excitement but because of I miss *somebody* too much and also, because of my 'beloved' DAUGHTER! KONON, she said she's reaching my house around 10 now it's 12 thirty and she's not even OUT from her house.I'm so gonna screw her later =S LOL, yeah MUM screwing DAUGHTER, that's what my mum did to me when I asked her to wait for only 10 minutes outside of Gurney! It's so UNFAIR! HELL

Arghh, I don't want to be late for JOTA, damn! Oh, she just called me LOL, haha my daughter called asking for my address.NO WONDER, she forgotten her mum's address. HAHA.ok hmmm~ I'm gonna be back around 10 or 11 later. so shit, I'm gonna miss my favourite show =(( but it's worth it. lol

Tiffany and I are planning to get 11 badges for tomorrow's game.lol=)) one badge for THREE games, they have like 33 games, so yeahh. We are playing ALL OF IT, that's if WE can la.LOL usually we'll freak out cause there will be like EWWW EWW YUCKS~ YERR!! sound from my DEAR friends.HAHA lol

I guess that's for all =))

M E R D E K A

2005-10-10T20:12:00.000+08:00

LOL.Today is really a nice day =) haha.why? because it's the end of MY exams! OMG OMG OMG.So happy, during BM Paper1, I was conteng'ing my paper la, then i keep writing OMG OMG OMG exam's over. eff'ing happy and shits like that. HAHA.too gemas =S what to do. MERDEKA!! XD

During History Paper, I admit, I cheated..LOL successfully =X thanks to Zi Xin, MY life saviour! HAHA, hope the answer is right le, or NOT i'll die, i THINK i'm dropping to fourth class already, I don't know why, I just feel like it, how the hell can I make this feelings go away? I wanna enjoy the rest of the days till I get my Report Card, argh! This Friday is JOTA-JOTI camp already, hooorayyy! Can skip school on Friday, superb! Won't get to see that fucken BITCH face in school, she's really getting on my nerve lately, a teacher without brain, DAMN her, how can she actually be a teacher? I'm doubting the fact she can even teach, all she does is look up at the FIRST CLASS STUDENT and look down on others, what is she then? RUBBISH, just TRASH! Don't remind me of her anymore.DAMN!

I just can't wait for JOTA man, it's gonna be so much FUN seeing IVAN and JANICE =D lol.We're so gonna scream by the time we reach there, BUGS, SWEAT, DIRTY, FUN, DENGUE, that's my words of description for the camp, please don't feel scared by it, I think when we're there we're gonna have MORE FUN then feeling depressed in school waiting for results, right? HAHA

I hope I'm either in the same patrol with Jack OR my daddy, Sui Thong, at least I THINK they'll help me through the HARD time I'm going to have there.At least that's what I THINK la, ish! HAHA, I think YueShern and Caryn is skipping school too, since none of us is going to be in school on Friday. Wait, JOTA is going to be FUN, so is the coming BEACH PARTY! Can't wait for it man, DAMN! It's a relief that exams SO OVER =/ just wish nothing bad will happen to my results =S argh!

I miss *** *** so much! He didn't on his phone, I wonder what happened to him. Argh, can he like just contact me? Telling me he's alright. I just need to know what is he doing now, argh, man I can't stand the feeling of missing him so much ='( and I just plain HATE that feeling, it doesn't hurt, it just torture me =/ even after my exams, I gotta be tortured by my own emotion. NOTHING is PERFECT, FUCK this phrase, EVERYBODY is PERFECT in their way, we have no rights to even judge them. So are those bitches and jerks out there who is judging other, PLEASE judge YOURSELF before you judge others. =) Please and Thank You :))

ahhh. This is long, i gotta rest my finger,hehe =) mwahx.

Schooling on a Saturday

2005-10-08T18:58:00.000+08:00

:)) Awh, blog oh blog, I'm admiring you now.HAHA it's just so nice =) can't blame it, thanks to Chisa for this skin :)) love her art a lot! It's all beautiful pieces, hehe. Oh well, here I am sitting in front of the computer, 25% eating my Fish-O-Fillet, 25% chatting, 25% blogging and 25% listening to musics.HAHA,oh well, let's start from the beginning of my DAY :)) SATURDAY! HAHA, i slept at around 5 something, was sms'ing Kent Wyn till I felt sleepy so I slept la.Woke up at 9.40a.m. Ken Min miss-called and I woke up. Then my mum came to my room at 10 a.m. nagging for me to bath so went to shower.

Came out from showering then,came straight down to the comp and my mummy,Rachel was online so I talked to her for a while then asked her opinion on Yue Shern's blogskin,she liked it a lot =) I'm glad,hehe then she went offline,so I started to create a blog for Yue Shern and editted all her stuff for her.Finished at 10.45 and start admiring Yue Shern's and MY blog.HAHA, blogging can be addictive if you don't control.As you see, I admire it because it's just so nice =) TOO nice is the word.HAHA, well after that I off'ed the computer at 11.15 as I wanted to be a good daughter and stop my mum from nagging at me to off the computer and wait for the bus.BUT too bad, she was showering,so, she can't see her GOOD daughter for once. HAHA

Reached school at 12.10 PM lol, walked with Tiffany, Vennezia, Regina, Caryn and all my friends.Later Laura came and talked talked talked, Yue Shern came then after a while, it's time for assembly.HAHA, I signed up for TRAPLEX without even asking my parents if I can OR not.LOL, but most probably NO, why? CAUSE they'll give me reasons like you're too young to join such an EXPENSIVE camp. But who cares, I just put my name there, I'm not even paying for my name.LOL =))

Then we had lots of fun at school and MOST people thought it was a MONDAY, awhhh.Just can't wait till EXAMS over, then everyday will be a SUPER NICE day without stressing in studies.Oh yeah, i got my KH marks =) i got 67 :)) SO HAPPY! THIS is like the highest in my whole life for KH la.hahah, then ENGLISH PAPER 1 : FAILURE =)) I GOT so FREAKING low for it, it's like ALMOST everybody in MY class beat me,DAMN! IT's too embarrassing to be mentioned here *sighs* argh! NO EXAMS talking in BLOG, er I mean REGRETS in EXAMS.HAHA as i know i'll regret a lot after it, so it's better left UNKNOWN :))

Ken Min is now in Gurney with Alvin,argh! Hate them, went there without me =( so EVIL of them.HAHA PMR is NOT even OVER! >.< and they get to go Gurney,good for them.Ah well, starting from tomorrow till Tuesday, I'm gonna be a vegetarian for THREE miserable days, I wonder if I can stand it, HAHA, my parents wanted me to be one, everybody in my family is going to be vegetarian, I'm gonna be the odd one if I don't follow:)) so yeah, I'm daddy's little girl again.

Well, tomorrow is a Sunday already and Monday is my LAST day of exams.Can't wait for it, I'm planning to study HISTORY for the whole day tomorrow, NO DISRUPTION =) I'm relying on my History for my whole class-grading thingy, if I drop class, I seriously wonder what will happen to me.ARGH! I don't even want to think of it now, STUDY STUDY STUDY! =) MY ROUTINE FOR TOMORROW. STUDY, STUDY,STUDY! It's a MUST if I want to remain in the class I am IN now or go to a BETTER class which is 3 MERAH next year,GOD bless ME please =)

HAHA I think that's for today,too lazy to write more, I'm home alone with my maid, parents went chanting =/ brothers went out with friends, I'm so LONELY =( nevermind, at least i HAVE my COMPUTER to entertain me, and not forgetting my HANDPHONE.Haha =)

SO yeah, take care XD bye :))

la la la

Exams again

2005-10-08T01:46:00.000+08:00

OK I consider this as a Saturday, a day which I have school later.I'm going by bus cause my mum is just TOO lazy to get her ass off the bed =S weird huh? Why can't I just ponteng straight? She said I'll either online or sms at home. Actually, she's right.HAHA I never really studied.Oh well let me tell you something ok? SCIENCE paper2 was a DISASTER! A terrible DISASTER, I know NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING in it. The only thing i know was, erm the counting of power? or the work done? AH yeah, the work done.HAHA and the other was the whale thing.what supported the whale to live.HAHA.Buoyancy of water! i know THAT only.

Then, after Science was Friday, er yesterday is the word.yeah. We had Art.LOL, ART was fucking easy which i don't think i know anything also cause i didn't even look at the book! Haha, me, vennezia and Xu Jen almost got caught for cheating,wait! rewind! i DIDN'T cheat, lol, I was just checking answers.HAHA but yeah we escaped then after recess was Geography, I thought everything will go just fine till I stared at the paper for 2 minutes.Didn't blink, just continue staring at it,just saying I tiang'ed 80% of the paper :))

I know how terrible it is, but I'd rather TIANG than to copy again and get caught with ZERO marks,now you see the difference huh? DAMN, I'm supposed to be studying or maybe sleeping now.But I'm just too good to be here and update my long NOT updated blog which I recently updated it,it's so much better now, at least with a better layout. I'm still sms'ing Ken Min, lol and chatting with Adelyn from MGS and WAS chatting with my DEAREST and MOST BELOVED son, Andrew.HE went to study for his PMR, LOL haha.I know he got the genes from me :)) last minute studying.HAHA =)

Ah well, bye for now, got to get some sleep before I start snoring in school tomorrow.Haha, anyway I'm having my last day of exams on Monday, BM Paper1 and History :)) Gotta study real hard for History, I need to struggle till Monday then I'm FREE! F - R - E - E !! Woooo-hooo~!!

HAHAHA
*smoochiezx*
buh-bye x)

Exam Week `

2005-10-05T22:38:00.000+08:00

lol.damn ='( so long since i actually updated my blog.haha =) i miss it tho.

I'm having Science Paper 1 and 2 tomorrow,but before that, I have English Paper 1.I guess it's easy to score for that since it's all objective.As for Science, I think I'm going to study later, "burning midnight oil" Haha. For once, I actually make an effort to study for Science since I never really did study Science because er,I'm way too lazy, I seriously rather waste my time studying the most boring subject, History than to study Science, at least I can understand History better than Science.

I know I don't seem to have fate with Science, but now, I seriously gotta study for it.Haha, because this exam is for the class grading >.< I can't drop class, my parents will skin me alive.LOL.Serious. They're looking forward to see at least 4 or 5 As in my report card.God bless me.

Ah, well, I'm just here to update a little,I gotta go study now before I feel sleepy and go to sleep =) hehe.LOL. I will update real soon when I have time..

sunday "day" lolx!

2005-05-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?I
can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

- "why" by avril lavigne

*sighs* i dunno y but i fucken love dis song nw =( its kinda sad but smhw i feel dat dere`z something inside dere i wanna ask sumbody but i dun even dare to or izzit i knw d answer long ago .. maybe .. i dont know, i really dunno

well, dis thursday is ma midterm examinations d, lolx, havent even started a single shyt, lol in science i mean.. all i can say is dis year, i totally sucks in science! ma result was terrible last test so i set ma goal dat dis exams must b so much better than dat, must b at least top 5 in class =/ i knw its impossible but at least lemme hav sum hopes lur

kekekkeke .. lol i jz cant wait till exams over man! so syok by then, wanna go shop shop shop =D~~~~~~~~~ n desperate lur =/ well dis morning wake up really really early, around 7 smth n went to d guides headquarters to help up faw d jumble sale thingy =D kena scolding wiv tiff n reg lol, damn funny la wei.. go around askin faw scissors n in d end pn oon sendiri cut. lololol! dat jumble sale thingy was fun, REALLY FUN! rach went dere too .. n yilin n sara came late *NOTTI THEM* *angel me* *prasan again* [hits maself] lol.. well yeah.. stayed dere till around 1.17 den followed rach back to her house.. go dere n they keep disturbing alvin =X not ma fault!! che hui, zing wei n rach was like so addicted to his caller ringtone n keep calling him, in d end .. got scolded by me then thy took zing wei`z phone to record his caller ringtone.. funny rite? lolx! alvin, shud b proud lol, so many girls call u jz now sumore duwan to answer .. guai? konon!

haha well then tak cukup half and hour, mum called sayin dat theyre cuming to fetch me den go lunch .. unfortunately i was too full so i din eat .. then by d way back home, its almost 3 d, so when i reached home, i din even bother to change, just took ma pencil box n science book n rush to d tuition, thank GOD he din started teachin or scolding me yet *evil grinx* im a notti girl in tuition .. okie then after 5 smth, it started to rain, damn it .. i was so wet when i was in d car, rain drops dripping n ma hair !! arghhh!! destroyer, just washed ma hair yesterday *sighs* den straight away go to d jetty to fetch ma cous .. damn, i slept in d car.. coz ma whole body is so sore n im so tired .. reached home at around 6 n went straight to ma room, toook a nap n ma mummy wake me up at dunno wat time to bath n then started going online =D until now .. heheh =DDD~~~~ i wanna go shopping!!!! >"< wait .. two more weeks, two more weeks n im free!! i can go gurney ddd.. yeahhhhh~ miss gurney loads man =(

anyway guess dat all fo today .. tatax =/

|| d e p r e s s i o n || a g en?!?!??

2005-05-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

*sighs* i dunno y now i feel lyke updatin ma blog.. its like all of a sudden im here in ma blog typing dis crap >"< again ="(">

You're the reason I live, you're the reason I'd die. You're the reason I smile, yet break down and cry. You're the reason I keep going and the reason I fall. So isn't that enough reason for you to see how much I really need you to be here for me...as more than just my friend?

My tears are still falling from my eyes... This isn't about wishing you'd come back to me, and it's not about wishing someone would notice me. This is about surviving. This is about simply getting through tomorrow.

*sighs* screw dis whole thingy .. its making me feel crappy =( i dun understand ma whole lyfe.. it sucks! always does in no matter what i do or make .. well nth much happened today, dis morning woke up freezing like hell coz it was raining n yeah ma cousin went back =/ will b coming back agen tomorrow or when la, i fucken care la .. he dun come n bug me can d ..

i really dont know what to say now, lolx .. guess its all faw today.. jz feel like updatin ma blog =)

boring day

2005-05-13T02:45:00.000+08:00

lol, today sure was a tiring day =) woke up around 9 sumthing n ma mum wasnt home yet so i went to bath, after dat, she came back n i finished bathin, den chatted wiv coollen, lol, he keep askin me when m i gonna intro ma sis to him.. sheeesh! patience lol, patient is virtue ;) learnt dat frm mark .. hehehe, then yue yue added me into d conversation of regina, her, tiff n janice.. konon u four! hmmph!

after a few minutes, went out to beauty to buy sum stationary stuff faw ma bro .. bought him a file, a shaker, examination pad and lead .. lolx using ma mums money, use ma own money to buy a silver marker n g2 black pen.. mine was rm11.90 plus ma bros things which cost rm15.30 altogether rm 27.20... lolx!i count it wiv ma own brain, no calculater, see la, ma brain so waras still.. then before i came out frm the shop, it rained then ma mum drove to d sideways to pick me up.. but unfortunately, when i open d freaking door, it hit ma forehead, n its swollen till now =( internal bleeding adi.. sumore go sch today keep feel headache .. argg!

okay, ma bus came early today, around 11.35 lol. regina didnt follow ! damn her, leave me alone =( then reached sch around 12.07, put down ma bag n took ma maths hw n went to sit wiv venne n sarah, was doing ma maths homework but sarah wont stop talking bout "HIM" in front of me .. arggg!! so irritated man but still i tolerated .. n half an hour later, zi xin came .. so bored .. after dat ring bell .. lol yeah. d ranger asked us, the f2 guides to participate in the CLHS campfire.. on the 7th of june wan lol, coz its scout =X sumore must pay rm10 .. lol, pokkai dd >.<>

okay okay! heres d funniest part, today got ms ho`z class, english teacher! lolx, she was explainin thingy n i was shaking ma marker so it has a sound like tek tek tek n den rite suddenly she look at me n the whole class` attention was on me, i just smile sweetly at her n suddenly, she say im a model-like student giving her ma sexy poses n i can b a model in future, i was like WTF ? -.- sexy poses? lolx crapper man, i almost took dat marker n screw her! damn it man, wat sexy poses is she saying? i wasnt even SEDUCING her, wtf lar sexy? i hate her.. *calm down* no bad word!! yeah, im saint adelene =)

lol after dat reccess .. nth to tell d .. d funniest part of day had been written so i guess holler nw bloggie =) *mwahx* so tired

2.44am

exam | miserable | stress | frustrated

2005-05-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat to feel, im feeling slightly miserable wiv the feeling of regret n mix some frustrations, hey its aight, its normal faw everybody to feel dat way, which i dun even think im normal like everybody .. i dunno y m i feeling dis way but it hurts, it seriously does.. =(

ma lyfe.. i suddenly felt is like im living dis lyfe faw somebody n not me,all my life, im trying to be a perfect dotter, a good frd, a better gf n a person who is good at both sides.. but i dun think dis is me, dis is nvr me.. its not wat i wanted all dis while, im just trying to satisfy ma parents .. trying to b somebody im not.. i felt so miserable today..

i nvr regretted things i did until today, my worst nightmare came to reality, the things im so scared to face.. examination=( *frowning*

examinations make me sick, now im feeling like ma leg is turning to jelly-like, lolx >.<>

now im sittin ere all alone .. wiv d music on so loud n ma dad in d kitchen taking his medicine, pity him, sorethroat n cough=( mwahx, lurve ya daddi *devil sayin:like la as if he'll hear u here* *angel sayin:dun teach her bad la, the thoughts dat counts* lolololx....

still sms-in wiv alvin.. hmmm, lol.. so lazy to type ler, so ciaoz, type another one soon =P

o7o5o5 [bounce] happi lyfe!

2005-05-07T12:54:00.000+08:00

lol, so long since i actually updated ma blog~ yeahhhh~ ma result was terrible dun ask, failed science, screw science! >.< cannot! i love science, lolx .. hmmm yeah, im finally over him but he`z still ma bestie =) mwahx, luv ya mark

exams are cuming soon, nexxt week only, so anxious! damn it =( lemme see, today, nth much happened, woke up relli late at around 10 smth, went online, bath, eat, online n now here ..

tomorrow? nothing much too i guess, oh yeah, today is luca`z bday!mwahx, happi bday=) la la la, im so bored so i decided to update ma blog, guess dats all faw today =)

"missing somebody" GUESS WHO?

m i s s i n ` [s o m e b o d y] a L o t!

2005-03-11T19:53:00.000+08:00

hey bloggie~ so long since i write a blog, this morning woke up at 4 thirty and i cant sleep back, dont know why.. too nervous maybe, why ? because scared i cant wake up to wake him up, so didn't slept~ =( called him at 5 somethin but somehow he was in d phone wif somebody then at 6, called him.. he picked up and talked to me, asked me to take care of myself for the whole week! n then he was like so so so sweet ~ urg, cant stand him la, no wonder every of his female friends say he is the sweetest guy they have ever meet

after tat, we hung up then i slept for one hour then woke up for volleyball practise ~~!! went there kinda late coz of my mum la -.-~ keep saying nvm la nvm la ~ and all those shit! grrr, lucky no need to get punish to do pumping.. regina is even there already! waa, then have to run 2 rounds and do warm up before starting, tracia led us coz florence n julin didn't come to school today, kekekke~ tat idiot bitch [KPL] think she's so fuking cool or whatsoever acting like she's d head of form 1s, standing in front of everyone, damn la, so perasan! bloody arse, then rite when we were digging, i accidentally hit the ball towards her n hit her head n arse! i was so like, wow, such a nice aim, i didnt even bother to said sorry to her, she's rude to me, y d hell shud i talk to rude girl like tat bytch =.=

after tat, i practised service, damn, hit d mikasa`z ball until now my head is black-green[blue-black] everybody thought i used the caligraphy pen to draw, so funny, lol, after tat went back with regina coz her dad fetched me back wan then piano lesson, then ms ooi told me im having my theory's test tomorrow at Methodist Boy School, which I HATE THE MOST in my whole life, the student there are like gangsters, they are all so rebellious and they have no DISCIPLINE AT ALL!

after that, she fetched me to school coz rite, my asked her too, she dropped me by the pedestrian bridge and asked me to walk pass it so just walk lor, then reach there, i was pulled to marching for girl guides! arg, under the hot sun with 42 degree celsius, damn! i was going to be a roasted pig, urg, i gotta do pumping ten times some-more because not pay attention, then after that we dismissed at 1.30 then went to class, by the end of the day rite, got demerited for no fuking reasoN! but doesnt really matter me much, coz i dun even give a damn ;) she demerited the whole class coz we didnt bring her book, what kinda reason is this ? =.= anyway tats the end of today, write another one soon.. hehehe, mwahz~! love u bloggie, n now, altho im here but my heart is in china d lor, with markie~ ehehhe, missing him so muchie~

-]] a . d . e . l . e . n . e [[-

i n . L ov e . n [ e X a m z ] ` c r i t i c a l ` c on d i t i o n

2005-03-02T10:38:00.000+08:00

so long since i actually posted my blog =) im kinda happy about everything but not my love life n exams thingy! urgh, stress n tension.. actually im facing a problem, moody guys =/ what can i actually say about them ?

i mean somebody told me everything happen for a reason, and there too should be a reason for a person to get moody suddenly n treat somebody the other way round like so cold n mean =/ not really cold n mean la, just like not the normal self, is this coz of their "white period" ? lol!

ok leave it, actually.. do u all think that love is forever ? i mean if you love somebody n it's like ur committing to it all of a sudden, without even thinking of the future n everything.. like i know, when ur together with somebody, u gotta have commitments but this is about something u haven't even consider, it is like "dUH!"

maybe im over-reacting but im serious about loving somebody, there's loads of love .. example, like, admire, adore, love, etc .. the fact is we cant mix it up, like maybe u admire this guy for his cleverness but somehow u got mixed up n u thought u love him n u just like mix all up

urg, gee~ i guess im over reacting now but still, most of the love in this world never last =( sighs, its fate n destiny .. u gotta appreciate whatever u have now as u might lose them tomorrow

guess tats for all, leavin now =)

- ]] a d e l e n e [[ -

Ha p p y Bi r th d a y 2 "h I m"

2005-02-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

today is his birthday, yeah still got 20 minutes till is 23rd .. happy birthday dear~! today i missed sport practise, didnt manage to go cause i wasn't really in the mood to even do anything, i seriously feel like jumping of the roof in school today but i really really tried to as happy as i can because it is his birthday and i just dont want to destroy this special day ..

u know, lots of things happened today in school, before school, at home and stuff, i dont know how to handle anymore, i have lost my faith in things.. like i dont know, im so confused, yesterday, i had an appointment with Pn, Sarimah, a counsellor in my school, she asked me to look for her Wednesday which is tomorrow and i'm really scared, i dont know what i'll do, what i'll say.. i m freaking out =(

i've tried moving on without going online and toubing my cellphone but somehow i can't, i miss him so much.. just now, i called him but then he doesn't sound like he's in the mood to listen to what im gonna say because i cried before i called him, i wasn't really in the nice mood now because the stress i'm having, it's not like the normal stress i used to have, it's like something is pulling me inside, to think of it, sometimes i can't even breathe, im like stucked, i cant breathe properly =( im so scared of bad things to happen .. its like everything is coming in order, the bad things of course =(

i wanna talk to him now but i dont know what to talk cause just now i was too emotional nd i dont know la, i just somehow kinda hung up on him and i guess he's sleeping now since he's going to college tomorrow, im just feeling really hurt and terrible now =(

i have to attend a thinking day celebration in school on saturday and there's two campfire going on this march and april, one is georgetown campfire, another one is summid camp which is in Kuala Lumpur, RM180 per person for d summid camp but i dont think im going because my dad said i have a function going on tat day so dont know la, when the date comes nearer only say la =( not really in the mood la .. just wanna update a blog today, a longer one

i just finish doing an assignment, it is reading this poem then make it to a letter, sounds simple but the poem is like "every single sentence also gotta check the dictionary" type, luckily my dad is free for me to ask .. and it's like so freaking hard, even my dad dont know, luckily i manage to finish it before my mum start to nag, my mum is cutting potatoes and banana at the kitchen to make the "bubur cha cha" dont know what u call tat, but it is the traditional cause chinese new year is coming to an ending, tomorrow is the last day already .. so sad =(

anyway, HaPpY 18th BiRtHdaY MarK BeRnArD MaPoThEr III!! u can officially "ahem" already, hehhe, muacks~ dear o dear i miss u so much u know~! really love u.. muacks .. and today is also THINKING DAY! =) guide's celebration, i know nothing about it anway .. im leavin, it's kinda late n im really tired .. take care and bye =)

- [[ adelene ]] -

depression

2005-02-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

erg, im kinda havin depression .. i dont know, i cant eat, i cant sleep .. i dun have d urge to do anything .. i feel so lonely everynight .. i feel like crying everytime i look back at the picture i took with all my friends, i've hurt somebody without my knowing n i did smth really terrible to her when she's havin a problem but somehow i feel like dying .. is this some kind of balasan?

God, what should i do ? i cant take it anymore, i love u .. i miss u so much dear! really really much .. i dont know what will happen to me in the future but im just writing this blog to tell u tat im grounded for some problem n i cant go online tat often anymore .. sorry to everybody .. bye im leaving

[[adelene]]

H a p p y [V a l e n t in e ` z] D a y

2005-02-14T19:42:00.000+08:00

yippee~ i finally updated my blog .. kekkeke, on valentine's day ? oh well, yeah! :p its a special day but then nothing special happen la, happened on saturday n sunday d :p kekekke, im kinda feeling ok today ar, kinda happy kinda sad =/ dunno myself la, im staring at d prezzie i received on sat, sun n today, i dont know why rite, i feel so guilty after receiving their presents

im so tired ehh :( missing him so much, he's out to dinner with somebody oo, not to say im jealous but i just miss him ma =( *mwahzz* love u lots dear.. today in school, everybody is talking bout valentine`z day n stuff .. hehehe, well im not really into d valentine`z mood r, dunno y =(

oh yeah, today i received a box of white chocolate [my favz] a photo frame, a pendant, cute teddy bears n some handphone accessories[cute one tho] kekkeke :P i love white chocz alot! dunno y, itz more delicious den normal one n itz more fattening =/ hehehe, but well im not into any relationship now ler =) but well, im in love wif someone though ;) n he's my beloved bunny! n i've changed my blog`z layout, nice or not? kekekke, i chose dis coz itz more into d sexy part n its much nicer than my past layout so dull, so boring :X

well, u know bloggie, dere's few friends of mine not in ma school saying tat i got so bitchy after CNY >.<>

i mean i'd rather b told a lie then being hurt so badly with one truth, seriously ar.. i appreciate what everybody told me when i was really down tat day, i know tat if everybody is telling me all these for my own good, i know, n i'll always remember d advise u all gave me =)

n yea, thanks dan for d watch u gave me, its really nice n elegant .. maybe it`z not d swatch watch but it`s still nice n remember to wish crystal "happy valentine`z day" for me ar, i duwan her to come to me n say me bad for not wishing n all those bla bla bla if not ar, gonna "bash" u up in tomorrow's dinner!! ehehhe.. oh yea .. i drank a can of pepsi just now, so gassy ! >.< la ="P">.<~ *pembully tu* :P

To MBM3 => dear o dear =) muacks~ i know ur waiting to read dis, kekekke so m writing u dis to "impress" u, lol .. i know i know u are "thinking" of me kan ? lol, just jk bah honey! muacks, i miss u so much today.. maybe because ur too far away, n remember d spongebob's watch ? lol! i still remember im looking for it now, but still cant find d cute one tat suits u, but d omega one is still wif me ? want or not ? heheh, u know i wanna u tat i'll always love u .. always will =) i guess tats all for now ..

muacks~ good bloggie~ im leavin now, write ya next time, ciaoz

[[shawtie sex bytch]]

sorry

2005-02-08T10:12:00.000+08:00

to HIM -> sighs, im sorry dear, really sorry for hurting ur feelings, i dont mean it.. i nvr mean it! im so so so so so sorry,you know i lovee u alot, i know its my fault to accuse u n im really sorry, i was so confused >.<

haih, mixed feelings in me now.. dont know what to write, what to say, what to think, what to do .. tomorrow is CNY d, im still not having the CNY mood like bla bla bla stuffie >.< well ="(">.< lor ="(">.< GOD, help me! i feel like crying, like there's no one dere for me anymore =(

loging off
adelene

a whole new world

2005-02-05T19:40:00.000+08:00

today, dis morning, i went out wif my bros n parents to take layer cake from some shop then we went to some coffee shop to eat, i ate "char-koay-teow" one of the penang's favourite, kekkekekke, thinking about it, my saliva is coming out now :p

hehe, after tat we went to my dad's friend's office to settle down bill n stuff n on our way back, i was listening to d radio, light n easy 104.40 for penang readers' n for d kl ones i tak tau la :P kekkekek, okie then rite, i was quarrelling with my bro then suddenly i heard a song thru d radio, i knew it was disney's song coz it was kinda familiar to me la, then i keep thinking, beauty n d beast? cannot b tat is celine dion n all those rite, then when the song finish, i wanted to listen to d title then my mum n dad keep yack yack n yack while my bros' arguing about games, i cant hear properly then suddenly when i reached home, i on d comp trying to look for dis song, the title just pop into my mind, i mean like i dun believe so i on bearshare to dl this song, " a whole new world " by vanessa williams, i tot i was going to b wrong then when i listen to it, i was like " OMG OMG OMG!! this is the song!! alladin soundtrack, no wonder so nice! " lol so funny :P until now rite, im still listening to it :p

after that, i went offline n went to my room, called markie n talk to him for a while then after tat i had a short nap coz my hp suddenly no credit cant call him, so i slept till 2 smth, suddenly my mum came into my room without knocking n shout " u go comp class, u know " i was like, duh! of course la, its my class not urs.. then i just wore my homeclothes there as i was wearing a skirt n a sleeveless blouse, but kinda formal la the skirt =) then i went to d class, met janice leong dere in ccc then we studied d same class wif d same teacher n all those la, after tat finish d, we went down, her mum was dere d so i went to eaton to buy tictac n smarties! so nice la, so long since i actually eat candies :p then my mum came, she took me to a shop, so we went shopping~ in this shop in island park, i tried lotsa shirts n blouses n jeans! but then ended up my mum bought two skirts n two blouses n i bought one halter n one shirt.. n oh yeah! i met caryn n carrie dere, a pair of twin in my class ;) they're so cute u know :P so so so cute! i wish i have twins too in d future :p after tat i called mark again coz i reloaded, he was in sunway pyramid shopping *lol* i teased him a lil bit! keekkekeke, after tat i went to a shop in bandar baru, MK's Fashion, nothing much there, i just bought some bras g strings n a bikini, d bikini was stripes black n white, the g strings are white, black, dark blue, red n grey! kekeke, n d bra colour *my fav part* 2 black ones, 1 grey n 1 red!! all also so cekap, tube was like the bikini kind, but then must tie =( cannot hook, well as u knw la, i dunno how to tie, i dunno wat to do next time if suddenly come off, *lol* let it b la hor ? :P

well after tat we went home n so here i am now writing this blog while waiting for markie to finish his movie :P n im going off to d kitchen now for my dinner

signing off
adelene [missingg markiee soo muchh]]
muacks!

PS: i love mark

life

2005-01-27T10:00:00.000+08:00

i learnt alot of things these few days.. all about life n love, *sighs* there will b time that we regret lots of things n there also will b time tat we were so happy but there will b time when we are sad, have u ever wonder y we regret ? coz we're too scared to face d truth n the only way is to regret n keep looking back like me but somehow i kinda let him go, not for another guy but for her .. its not tat im his gf or wat or maybe im just like a frd to him but i want to own him like SHE does so id do anythin but now somehow i dont know, things are so weird .. i dont know

i've did alot of wrongs lately not only this year but last year too .. but i really dont know, i feel like i cant stop myself from it, its like im addicted to doing wrong but i wanna stop it n i just cant n im so sorry to d dear ones ive hurt all this while.. im so sick of life all of a sudden like im dying anyhow or anywhat .. but i just cant bear to leave him, i love him i do .. i always do but i dont know, i cant breathe whenever i think of all my problems .. i cant seem to share it wif anyone .. what am i suppose to do ?

ahhhhhhhhh!! my life is a disaster, worst still CNY n valentine's day is coming n im feeling so guilty n miserable! pls God, help me!! i feel like dying ler, im so guilty, grrrrrrrr!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, sighs feel like sleeping now >.<

signing off
adelene

do u remember?

2005-01-18T22:04:00.000+08:00

remember we'd be up all nite
talking til the morning light, yea
like the way it used to b
those simple days
juz u and me

i think baby i know
wat's on ur mind?
coz u look like u've smth to say

i may not say those words anymore
but mayb it juz aint ma way

u ask me do i love u but
do u remember
y i walked on water for u
do u remember
my first step on d moon
have u ever wonder y
i gave u 3 wishes to u
u asked d question
but the answer lies in u, in u
the answer lies in u

remember we used to laf n say
no one else cud get in our way
n there were times when u wud cry
n came knocking on my door
and i was there to shelter ur pain

i think baby u shud get tat off ur mind
make it seem like a brighter day

u ask me do i love u but
do u remember
y i walked on water for u
do u remember
my first step on d moon
have u ever wonder y
i gave u 3 wishes to u
u asked d question
but the answer lies in u, in u
the answer lies in u

the answer girl
lies within ur heart
take a look inside

u ask me do i love u but
do u remember
y i walked on water for u
do u remember
my first step on d moon
have u ever wonder y
i gave u 3 wishes to u
u asked d question
but the answer lies in u, in u
the answer lies in u

in u, in u
the answer lies in u

la la la .. how i wish he wud sing this to me .. sighs i mean him as in mark not aaron, he's gaY! *lolZ* muacks, im feelin so happy man.. dunno y i mean yeah, coz maybe i didnt get into a quarrel wif him any longer .. yeah .. happiez~!! heapz heapz .. mwahz! love u bloggie blog .. do u know how much im in love with markie ? so much tat i could sacrifice everything even my life .. everybody think im stupid for loving somebody so much in this age ? sighs .. memang la im silly so ? love is selfish, love is blind ! la la la, *mwahzzzzz* mark bernard, listen up! I LOVE YOU! so friggin much

aikss 10.50pm gtg now ler >.< want to go watch GHOST MOVIE! muakakaka

signing off, nitez

love u my dearest blog,
adelene tan aka stupid rabbit!
10.53

yes no yes no DONT KNOW!

2005-01-18T06:18:00.000+08:00

here i am sitting in front of the comp early morning of 18th january 2005 6.19a.m. original time in penang n whole malaysia now writing this blog coz im not feeling rite again =( y ? coz i dunno *lol* im feeling like vomitting since lastnight *damn it nawh! im not preggie!dun curse me la stupid* im pure n innocent n sacred n included virgin =P la la la, well my love life's existence is all about MARK BERNARD MAPOTHER III . .CIZ! dun b too proud coz u have too many admirers :P its HARMFUL ya know ;) hehhehe.. im listening to a thousand miles now by vanessa carlton, *lol* no original feelings la .. juz some normal song, crapz my left arm hurts so much =( hey, i gtg bath first d >.<>.<
ciaoz bloggie babe .. muacks! i miss him so much, baby..

loging off,
adelene
6.35am

broken

2005-01-17T22:01:00.000+08:00

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

broken by seether n amy lee (the punisher's ost)

u know this song rite actually carry out about my life now :P its like i dunno resembles me ? absolutely but well i dont know i knew d truth all this while but i keep banging myself to it again n again .. somehow i really think im stupid n silly enuf to held on to somebody tat hurt me so much yet i still love him so much .. even if i have to die to get his love .. i will .. i swear i will, if only u know how much i'll do for u .. but i know things wont work out anymore but if there's a second chance .. i'll tressure it, if only u cud gimme .. i dont know if there's anymore girls telling u tat they'll even die jz to have u but im serious for it, u know how important ur to me? id jz do anything to get ur attention but somehow u juz dun get my hint dun u ?

ok~ dun talk about love d la! so confusing, just leave it to fate! kekkeke, start off wif ma school la .. tell u wat la, this school useless la! really bo lo eong (no road use[[very terribly useless]]) wan!lol! wanna know whY ? damn alot of homework! only third week leh~ so many homework adi .. im so tired ma.. came back at 7 smth .. somemore got tuition till 10 smth! crpz la .. after tat sure tired d ma, then rite must relax watch tellie n bla bla bla .. sleep then wake up at early mornin' on9 till 10 smth, bath then eat then wait for ahcek to come fetch me to schooL! shyt la, where got time to do homework ? rite? sighs! >.< useless la the school .. hehehe .. *mwahsz* to mark bernard MAPOTHER III i miz ya so muchie~ when r we goin to love again ? *rofl* muacks, bb ar love u so much kau tau tak ? really love u man! i dont know how m i goin to live without u! seriously so freaking love u till i can die :P serious serious! no jk baby muacks!

hey, dr bunny when are u going to cure me ? =( im sick! so friggin sick la, feel like puking *nawh, im not pregnant*

gtg ler
muacks!

signing off
adelene rabbit gal .. nursey~

my sunday

2005-01-09T19:18:00.000+08:00

lol~ im feeling alrite today lol! woke up at 8.30 coz my hp rang .. stupid edmund! sms me so early for wat .. disturb my early sleep! lol! actually not him la, its my alarm .. actually shud ring at 7.30 wan coz i set alarm n i wanna call him to wake "him" up .. manatau me pig! cannot wake up .. then canot lor .. so after i woke up, i went to the washroom go wash my face face .. then went down to on the comp!! wats so exciting? he was online!! but but * say faster la* he's away *cheh* lol~! cannot blame ma .. he went to church adi, he's a good christian :) n im a good girl *nasty girl* im not nasty! im good ~!! quite la u stupid blog! jgn kacau saya tulis !! shh shh .. away u go *hmmph.. disappears* lol .. fine i'll stop jk baby.. let continue, after tat i went online as usual i went to friendster n edit frds AGAIN n post some bullentin :p

around 10 smth, my dad woke up.. he showered n asked me to, then i went .. then everyone woke up, they showered too then we went out for breakfast around 11 smth .. i ate char koay teow!! so nice!! so long since i followed my family out coz last time i was too obsessed wif the comp till i abandon my family !! now im turning to a parent's dotti !! muakakka * devil can never turn back* hey! im angel not devil la .. u stupid head !! hmmpH!after tat we went to sunshine farlim to do some shopping n there's one guy keep bugging my dad to do the credit card then my dad got so irritated .. he signed up for da credit card!! lol!! new way for those salesman out there, irritate ur customer n they'll buy from u .. pandai kan saya nI? hahaha, after tat my mum n bro finish buying ler .. they came out but my daddy still talking to the guy .. my mum bought a nasi lemak, n some mango pulut for my bro n dad .. then my eldest bro asked me to buy him mix sundae cone.. i bought myself one too!! so nice!! >.<>

then we reached home around 1 .. my dad used the comp again *every sat n sun surely he use wan >.<>.<>

time passes n here i am sitting here writing this damn long long blog :P thank u thank u .. i know im clever.. lol
so i'll stop here okie

signing off
adelene ;)

parting

2005-01-09T19:16:00.000+08:00

one word, the saddest
often left unsaid
the word for depature
a gentle farewell, or
spoken in anger:
good-bye
lover's promise for a next meeting
lover's curse in rage
a dying man's pledge to the world
my sorrow, held back tears,
Good-bye

tangled up in me ~!

2005-01-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

hey! im here again.. i feel like updating my blogs nowadays .. guess wht ? i did smth i regretted today but then i cant turn back anymore, something maybe i'll b happy one day.. maybe both of us should just remain liddat for now, i need sometime alone .. i think i can still live on without you, all i need is time .. time heals, althought we're not together.. i still luv u like u said in the other way .. i dont take u for granted or anything .. but now im sick of it .. im tired of being something im not to u .. everything is just a mistake, i shudn't have put all my hopes in u n im suffering myself now well u enjoy urself with ur whatever human -.- i dun give a damn, she's worse the zero to me .. LKP to me la ..

n yeah .. just now i talked to edmund .. lol he changed so much since da last time i talk to him, yeah lo .. so rough la ur voice edmund :p hahahha, i went mcDonald just now .. crapz .. i spend around 40 bucks there .. darn!! yeah la .. treat tiffany, regina, venne, kaan, del, teresa n ee mei .. ok maybe not all, but they steal my french fries n twister fries !! LOLZ!! fine fine, im wrong again .. oh yeah we went in to the mcD's playground.. u know the one which they put 3 - 12 years old .. 13 n above r not allowed.. yeah we went in there n play !! man .. i miss those time when i was a kid, no misery .. no sadness .. no burden.. like now, i mean we have pressure in everything now.. crapz la >.< i wanna b in std 1 .. seriously, u know r when i was std 1 i wanted to b 21 so i can haf freedom n also can work .. lol i was so stupid la .. want to work, ask my future husband menyara me can liao :p
this time, i swear i wont turn back anymore .. NOT ANYMORE, im ADELENE TAN WEI SHIAN!! remember ? the girl with lots of laughters in school n never cry over stuff tat doesnt really matter much anymore :) hehe, a playgirl ? no not anymore :D i realised it hurts to play ppl's feelings .. its a sin!! muacks~!! baby!! i wanna suck lolipop!! who steal my lollipop? im killing tat person .. hehehhe!!

one week has passed :P school was ok lar .. the teacher all nice nice except for tat miss ho ho ho!! santa claus is comin to town .. *woke up* oooH!! yeah miss HO!! tat ENGLISH teacher .. not only tat!! she even teach me PJ, crapz man .. now dun have freedom adi with her !! screw u bytch!! *taking a screwdriver to screw MISS HO HO HO* LOLOLOL!! just jk baby ~ i wont murder her, guess wat she's 33 n she's still single .. i tell u why, coz rite shes too UGLY!! n perasaN!! wakakkakaka, da bee is gone with the wind but the honey is still staying .. not single, not attached either .. im DOUBLE baby!!! lolololol
MUACKS!!!!!!!!!! i love you so freaking much baby ;) my baby is my blogs ar :P

IVAN LOW JUN ZHI!!!!!!!! where r u ar? i wanna kill u adi .. how dare u cancel my call ? :P pigi mati la ! curse u , screw u , damn u! :p la la la la la !!

ooh yeah ! remembered althought im not with you now, i love u still so much.. i knw u will think tat it doesnt matter but all i want u to know is i love u with all my heart .. if only i cud turn back da time i will but now u said u wun stay in one chapter, im different.. i will stay here till the wind blow me away .. love you bee ..

da memory of u

2005-01-08T20:45:00.000+08:00

i cannot let u go
i cannot let da memory die
even wif my last breath
i'll call out ur name
to sleep, to dream
for all my waking thoughts are of u

i'll always remember your swagger
ur laughters, ur evasive manner
in which i am envapt
off my feet i was swept!
and inside my heart
lodge the thorns of regret
for letting you go
for all the wrongs i did to u
heavily i cannot forget

so i lie here thinking of u
there is nothing else i can do
my limbs are limp
my mind is disconnected
there is no happiness left for me
save the memory of u ..

belated christmas :P

2004-12-29T13:19:00.000+08:00

Its 10.26pm now.. here I am sitting in front of the comp writing this blog, somebody told me to write it so im writing it for u n myself =X hehehe .. I don’t know where are u now .. but all I can tell u now is I miss u very very very much =) la la la ... what im supposed to talk now ? ooh! Yeah .. my trip to china :P

Hey! Its nice there .. very very nice .. the things are so cheap n its beautifully carved like the necklace I bought .. they used shells n small stones .. its so unique .. I bought lots of stuff there n I walk a lot too >.< when I got back, my leg was aching .. so freaking sore lar .. thinking about it, I really wished I could stay there longer till Christmas coz during Christmas rite, the teens there will walk around the street with fire crackers n the scene on the West Lake is going to b so nice .. so romantic if ur there with ur loved ones .. I wish I was there with him, ehehhe but I know it wont b true lar if we go there together rite .. we’ll b in the hotel 24/7 ahhahahaha ;) u know y la :P LOL im just joking lar

I just can tell u one secret .. I spend at least RM500 there :P hehehe .. muakakka .. oh MeRrY belated ChRisTmAs anyway ;) n happy new year in advance :P believe it ar ? PeNanG got earthquake !! wohooooo .. penang is not expected to have all these kind of bencana alam .. now also have means anything is possible now ;( I feel so unsafe lo :P but nvm lar .. I have bunny near me .. its all that matter to me now.. ur my only one oo .. DON’T try to b UNFAITHFUL lol .. hahhaha I remember what happen after u watch that movie .. kekkekeke .. sometimes u know .. I just cant expect too much from anything .. I just chatted with some of my friend online .. they’re so nice .. asked for my safety lol~ wat if I die oo .. I wonder will they cry for me
LOL

Im listening to first love now .. thinking about times when we were together .. it was like my Cinderella times .. but this time .. the prince found the wrong Cinderella n he let go of it :P la la la .. now im listening to only one .. both of it is ur favourite song~! I miss u like crazy ar!!!!!!!!!! >.<
Hey bunny, guess what oo ? I super duper fuper huper LOVE YOU!! FOREVER!

I’ll write tomorrow about the tidal waves .. finger aching :P

Signing off,
Adelene Tan

PS: I will miss u so much bunny .. so so so much when school reopens .. we wont b online meeting other that much anymore .. just pray hard for me to still can remain close to u :P muacks ~ ciaoz

loving somebody ..

2004-11-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

today feel like touching my blog .. writing one more blog for the last time before i go to my holiday .. mood swing lots nowadays .. dont know why.. feel like crying but somehow those tears dont seem to come out anymore .. feel like screaming but the voice wont come out too .. nothing else to express myself =( feel terribly sick these few days~ whenever we're together i feel happy .. whenever ur gone to somewhere im down .. is this love ? or is this because i cant live without you ? im too depress all of a sudden since u left just now =( im leaving next week .. i wonder can i live without you by then .. 8 days without talking to u .. contacting u .. chatting with you .. i think im gonna miss you like crazy bunny =~ how do u expect me to live without you next time ?

bunny, do u know i love u very very much ? =( i really really love u .. can u teach me what to do now ? everytime i see her online, i feel so pressured .. i know that if she goes online, u'll be happier ..with or without me, there makes no difference too rite ? i miss u more each day ... do u know ? do u know everytime i talk to u ? i feel like telling u i really love u .. how much i needed u .. but i just cant bring myself to say it .. what if i cant get over forever ? what if one day we wont be able to even talk anymore ? will u miss me like how u miss her ? tell me ..

today, i went to my brother's friend's father shop to buy shoe .. sheeesh! it cost me 300++ and somemore plus all those socks and bla bla bla thingy .. and went to 423 bucks ~ damn lar >.< something ="P">
i called bunny around 5 something, he was in the function adi >.<>
LAST OF ALL >.<
last msg: i'll miss u guys out there .. really going to miss u all especially my bunny =~ promise me wont leave me alrite ? not even a single second ..
MUACKS~!!!

Signing off,
@dEeN3 aka blurrbaby aka baby^ade aka RABBIT~ =P

confusion

2004-11-20T12:12:00.000+08:00

he's here for me to meet, but some feelings is mixed inside of me .. its 10 days since i've ever write this blog.. just dun have the feelings of writing it .. i miss him dearly .. i miss him so much :( but he's with her, does he know how much im hurting ? does he know how i terrible im feeling everytime i read their journal ? i really got no more strength to go on but i keep holding on to him cause i wish one day he'll come back but i dare not let go cause i know he won't turn back to look at me anymore ..

happy holiday ..

2004-11-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today was the last day of school ~ I wasn’t really in the good mood~ not to say bad mood lar .. just that dunno what’s wrong wif my bunny, he’s not in a real mood so it kinda come to me too =( really don’t know why, he just can’t live without her ? what about me ? if I’m gone, will he even realize it ? I guess not, I don’t think I’m even important to him =( forget about it bah .. I don’t know what to talk adi =( .. bye

If there were no words

2004-11-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you
And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine
All of my lifeI been waiting for
All you give to me
You’ve opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly
I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn’t love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine
And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
Cause all I need is you my valentine
You’re all I need, my love, my valentine

What am I to you? I really want to know, I know I don’t have the rights to say anything about you and her but I just don’t know what to feel whenever I see you both together, so loving, so sweet, and I feel so jealous. I regret everything now, but I can’t change back the time anymore. Really miss and love you bunny =( yesterday was my birthday, was happy but not now.

Dear Diary

2004-11-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
And I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away

Dear diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me
'Cause I've never felt this way
No one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So diary I'll confide in you

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
As he walked by
I thought he smiled at me
And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart
I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe
Should I tell him how I feel
Or would that scare him away
Diary, tell me what to do Please tell me what to say

Dear diary
One touch of his hand
Now I can't wait to see that boy again
He smiled
And I thought my heart could fly
Diary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?
I've got a feeling we'll be so much more

It all started at May 31st and ended on September 13th =)
But I’m still glad I was with him cause he was my shield, my everything, he makes me who I am now.
Sometimes I really wish I could just let the past go and start of with my new life, but images of him keep haunting me back and makes me love him more but all I can say now is I’m trying very hard now to just treat him like my best friend. He was all I ever had, but now he belongs to some else or should I say he’s not mine anymore. I love him very much till now I really do. In the next 20 minutes I’m gonna be officially 13 !! Hehehe, so happy ~ I’m going to gurney with my best buddies tomorrow =) that include some strangers too who wanna gimme present. Muacks ~ here is where I’m gonna stop. Lazy to type ler. Ehhehe

Lots of Love,
Adelene (baby^ade aka blurrbaby)

this morning

2004-11-04T21:31:00.000+08:00

Hmm~ today’s a sunny day, okok lar~ got rain and was a lil stormy just now. Just now my bunny was sad but then I guess he’s okie now ~ muackss. Past is the past, life goes on =) u always have me still mar ~ okok, talk about today ar, I woke up at 9.30 dunno y, the first thing I do was look at my handphone see if my bunny called or sms-ed me but sad case, bunny didn’t =( I was kinda miserable at first but then I came online, I saw him. Heheh so happy ~ well okok lar hahaha I came online 2 minutes after I woke up~ jump down ~ not like the jump from up to down tat wan ar ~ mati terus.. after that he was away but im still happy seeing him there :p hehehe ~ okok then I called him to see if he’s okie around 10 something ler ~ he was watching cartoons ~ so cute!! >.< jealous liao

Ehhhehe fine ~ get back to me uh huh~ then my mum was buying newspaper for my dad when I called him .. when she got back I quickly hang the phone and help her to take things for her ~ good girl always do tat rite ? hehehhe ~ muackss (2 my diary not U! perasan)

Urm after tat on9 and on9 and talk again lor :P then u know ar ~ I went to bath at 11.30 and came out 15 minutes later :P

Ish~ after tat I ate cereal with milk .. so disgusting =( I have to be in school by 12.45 and muahahha I reach there exactly at 12.45 .. so tepat rite ? :P

dunno wat to type adi~ feel so down =( got scolding from my daddy cause of the phone bill .. i am grounded even for my birthday .. it's my fault ler i guess .. buh bye

my today =) happy or sad ?

2004-11-03T20:32:00.000+08:00

Today in school lots of things happened, I watched the movie “Big Fat Liar” it was so funny :P I wasn’t really paying full attention on it since I already watch it for like 4 times before I watched it again just now. But it was still so funny :p hahaha ~ cannot stand not laughing cause all my best friends were laughing. And ar~ there’s one of my best friend, Tiffany and the girl next to her, Goh is my best friend to. Tiff was using my marker pen and drawing Goh’s bottle (pity her!) of course, as a good friend I helped Tiff to draw too :P and that drawing turn out to be amazingly beautiful :P hahahah~ I can’t stop laughing and ar .. I was sitting at the back of three prefects some more and I also eat ~ at the back lagi got one adik angkat ~ I really wonder they realized I eat or not .. so funny man, I accidentally kicked one of the prefect’s butt :P I keep laughing till the end of the show, I almost got kicked out by the teacher for laughing too much ~ but cannot tahan mar :p

Okie ~ after the movie ~ it was still not recess so me and my gang went slacking around the school~ melepak lar .. so we was like went to put down our bags in our classes first then we went to the volleyball court, we played and played and pang pang ~ thunder and lightning came ~ spoilt our spirit of playing volleyball then it start drizzling and then raining :~ so sad ~ hehehhe but then we ran back to KYS’s, Regina’s and Tiff’s class (all also my best frd lar :P) we was like damn lar ~ still got half an hour ~ do wat wor then kys challenged me in chess .. darn it ~ I suck in chess k .. so don’t laugh :P the first game took like 4 minutes to checkmate me and the second game took like for 5 minutes ~ and here come the third game (and the fastest :P) two minutes and im off ground :P cannot blame ~ she so good in chess mar .. ahaha and the last game is like took a longer time but then ~ no winner cause the recess bell rang in time, saved me :P the fourth and the last game took like more than 15 minutes and still nobody win ~ so nice, that shows tat im pro liao .. muahahhaha (im very perasan ler~ :P)

Well during recess~ I ate roti canai cheese sausage telur~ so freaking nice man ~ so long didn’t eat adi lor :P and too I drank ice lemon tea ~ one of my fav drinks :p .. after tat I bought a packet of tibits~ for my frens ~ potato chicken .. buy for them duwan eat .. also gimme >.<>.< go pull that Marisa to the volleyball court and play with us .. after tat all her friends appeared too ..

So paiseH~ lar ahhahaha ~ and the way tiffany play so cute ~ beh tahan .. laugh like mad ~ Marisa keep saying her cute dunno how many times also ;p .. haiH~ then at the end of the day~ that stupiak tiffany ar ~ pinch my cheek until bleed :( so pain .. wanna cry er .. after tat there was a bitch fight between “somebody” and “somebody” :P duwan to care ler ~ later trouble come in me again ~ after few minutes, bell rang and buh bye ~ walk to my care then blah .. went home ~ on9 then go bath then on9 again then go eat and here I am now sitting here writing u :( I feel so awful suddenly, is it because he left ? or it’s my own problem ? missing my bunny a lot :( but he dunno ..
written by,
baby^ade~ aka blurbaby :(

River South

2004-11-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

yea my title is river south, u didnt read wrong .. why ? cause i dunno what im feeling now, but only tat song can prove it all ~ my heart is breaking into pieces, no one can see it nobody heard it i feel so tired, so lonely. lastnight, i dun i sleep at all, my heart was not in me, i was drifted apart lastnight by somebody i guess ..

today im kinda peace, i feel so tired now, really tired, i dare not talk to him, all i can do is sit beside and look at them chatting while im typing u now :(( i really wanna cry but the tears wont come out .. i cant hold on any longer ~ everytime i see him talking about her, i'll just fall off >.< i can't do it anymore .. teach me what shud i do ? i really want bunny, i really need my bunny ~ where are u ? i dun have the courage to type anymore

i think i'll type later on ~ later ~ bye